6 months

It was 6 months ago today that David was born. How proud we are of our beautiful son. He is no longer with us, but in the full presence of God. The thought and knowledge that David is with God - despite the incredible loss - brings a smile to our faces. What security, what grace!!!

Meanwhile, I have also returned to work. For those who didn't know yet, I got to work at the EO again! 4 days a week at the KCC. I am very happy that I was allowed to come back to a familiar place. A place where people know my story and where I don't have to 'prove' myself again. A place where I can just be myself and that is really valuable!

In December/January, I actually went through a deep valley. I found it hard to let go of everything and felt lonely in my grief. I knew that many people were sympathetic, but still, as David's mum, I have to go through it straight and no one can help me in this except God. This was very confronting and I just couldn't manage to surrender my grief to God. Until the moment I started seeing what David will be like in heaven. In all joy, innocence, love, warmth and security. And that knowledge makes it more bearable. The grief is not gone and it doesn't make it easier, but it does make it more bearable, because I am not doing it alone, but with a God who loves me so much. (And you equally! 🙂

Nathanael is now entering a period when things are getting a bit spicier for him. He has supported me so lovingly during the period when I was struggling, but has yet to really process much himself. Perhaps he has put himself in the background too much... At the moment, he has a day off a week for a while to recover and settle down. He very much longs to be close to God and from there find his emotions and process everything from the past few months. 

And as Nathanael wrote on the previous blog, we are also slowly looking a bit to the future. We are still longing to be able to actually do parenthood. We really love children and hope to host a lot of siblings for David 🙂 .

Are we afraid of the future? No. But, as Nathanael said, we do find it exciting and want to choose each time to place our future with God. He is the One who has everything, really everything, in His hand. He is the One who has our best interests at heart, even if we don't always understand everything.