Gideon day 11 (kickback from morphine)

13.45u

Last night just after we went to the RMhouse to sleep, Gideon had defecated all over his nappy. So badly that his catheter was also covered and he had to have a new one. But he had a good night after that.

The feeding is going really well. They are going to give him another 5ml from 3pm now (so now 20ml at a time) and then tonight around 11pm another 5ml extra (25ml to). He is also starting to get more and more restless from tummy cramps and feeling hungry so high time he starts getting more food.

We have been in hospital all morning again and just had lunch. This morning, Marieke allowed Gideon directly on the arm for an hour because he is doing so well and was a bit restless. If he's awake and restless anyway, he'd rather be with mummy than on the cot. When he was back in his cot they put him back on the low flow to build it up gently. He remained a bit restless, probably from cramps, then they swaddled him a bit. After that, he was wonderfully calm. May sound crazy, but actually for the first time we saw him as "a real baby". Relaxed head sleeping peacefully with only a tube to his nose. Very nice to see. So we went to the RM home with a much nicer feeling, knowing that we were leaving him sleeping peacefully.

We are starting to realise more and more that we really do have a future with Gideon. He is GOING to come home with us, regardless of how long that will take. This is a very new, but wonderfully overwhelming feeling.

How much we enjoy our son

22.15u

Today was a spicy day.

Gideon had a few times when he could not be comforted. In this, his levels also went down considerably. Then he gets so worked up that he uses more energy than he actually has.

It was a particularly intense moment when on Marieke's arm he also went so crazy that he became all grumpy. That did shock us a little because it immediately made us flashback to how David lay with us when he died.

We find that we are a bit unsettled today and tonight. Particularly because of worries that are not real, but do suddenly remind us of the time of uncertainty then with David. Whether it is also fatigue or the emotions of the past few days, we do now have to choose more to look not at the circumstances but at Jesus and the promises He has given. We find that this gives a lot of peace, but it is a bit harder work for a while.

But luckily they probably know the cause of the agitation. Because Gideon is now receiving less morphine, he is probably suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Therefore, he has been put back on his previous dose for a while and has now been given something to suppress the withdrawal symptoms so he will suffer less.

We hope he will have a good night and that from now on the tapering of the morphine will also improve. He has it tough enough as it is. What a load of crap morphine is for such a small body....

Tomorrow afternoon, Gideon will also have an examination of his kidneys. Since he is more stable now, they can take him to another department where they will then use contrast medium and x-rays to see how his kidneys and everything related to them are functioning, and what could be the problem that his kidney basins are too large.

We are very curious, but mostly hope he can stay calm.