Crippled, but not defeated
Pff, how do you come up with it. We didn't expect this... Despite not being able to find than medical cause with David, and after all the tests we went through where nothing came up, still probably a hereditary condition.
Things were finally starting to get back to "normal". We were just starting to get back into calm waters. Everything we had been looking forward to seemed off the rails again for a while. A healthy baby, being able to hold it for the first time after birth and all the things we couldn't or didn't experience with David, a normal maternity week, and above all a lot of enjoyment.
This news really needs some time to land and settle in.
We asked after the 20-week ultrasound whether we could be referred directly to Nijmegen, so that we would not have to switch hospitals again after a few weeks of examinations and check-ups. We noticed during our time with David that that caused a lot of anxiety. In the end, our experience and guidance in Nijmegen has been very good for us. That's why, and because they know about David's situation and have all the details, we want to go there again.
But it is really weird to have "Echo in Nijmegen" in the diary again for next week. Didn't think we would write that down again.
At the moment, we know no more than what we wrote down earlier. Our little one has an open diaphragm where a piece of liver was now visibly next to the heart and the heart had shifted to the right as a result. As the liver is larger than the stomach, this is the "unfavourable version" as it gives the lungs even less room to grow, which is vital later.
When we saw and were told during the 20-week ultrasound that the heart had probably shifted to the right, a shock went through us. Marieke then said, "I don't know if I can handle this again". From a medical point of view, the doctor then said we could also terminate the pregnancy up to 24 weeks. But without looking at each other, we simultaneously said "no". We understand that a doctor is obliged to mention that, because there might be people who might otherwise say afterwards of "if we had known".
But for us, that is not an option. Not only from our religious beliefs, but we would not be able to get it over our hearts to decide on a life. Apart from that, that would only bring forward any grieving process and our experience with David is that we would never have wanted to miss the time with him in our lives. Those 2 weeks he lived were so incredibly precious.
We don't know how things will go from here. Except that we are going for it all over again. For ukkie, for life, for future, but most of all for and with God. We don't want to let our experience with David be the standard with this new situation with ukkie when it comes to healing. As Inge read at David's funeral from a quote by Bill Johnson. "I refuse to sacrifice the revelation that God is always good on the altar of human reasoning, because I so need to know why my prayer has not been answered."
That is how we want to live. We are not going to cling and blind ourselves to healing, but rather to the One who gives life, is good, and faithful. In the midst of the storm, keeping our gaze fixed on Jesus and not on the storm itself.
Comments are closed.
Messages 1 up to and including 25 out of a total of 25
Erica from Ede
Wed, 25-07-12 19:41
Well... what else is there to say after so many great messages. I think you are very brave and so full of faith! I wish you much strength and God's power and nearness. Kind regards, Erica
Ko & Ingrid
Tuesday, 24-07-12 20:26
Dear Marieke and Nathanael, so special and encouraging how you testified to God's goodness and faithfulness in the service last Sunday! We entrust you and your baby into God's Father's hands. There the three of you will be safe, whatever happens. Kind regards, Ko & Ingrid
Carla
Tuesday, 24-07-12 12:46
I am touched by your writing, by your faith in the midst of this grief and worry. Tears for you and for the loss of David and for how your new baby is now. Every life is precious and I find it very beautiful how you cherish this new life. I pray God's peace and comfort over all three of you. United in trust in an ever good God.
sjoerd huisman from Bennekom
Tuesday, 24-07-12 09:52
Unbelievable to read this... I would wish you so much else!
Stick to your faith in God. I am almost envious of your steadfastness. I pray for you for a good outcome from this situation and wish you much strength.
Bert and Petra van Beek from Amersfoort
Monday, 23-07-12 09:09
I don't know what to say.
We did not expect this.
But how beautiful to read that reveling in our GOD
has remained.Even in this difficult time.
We will certainly include you in our prayers and ask for a miracle.
Many blessings wished
Joke and Ton Hilhorst from Leende
Sunday, 22-07-12 10:04
Dear Marieke and Nathanaël,
What sad news...and how differently we, like you and all those who love you, would have wanted this to happen.
Unfortunately, it may not be so again.
We greatly admire the way you are handling this.
We are thinking of you and wish you all the strength and comfort you can use.
Paul and Lenie
Sat, 21-07-12 11:58
Dear ones, the only thing we can do and so you do. Is put our hope, our faith and our expectation on God. He is there, He comforts and He is also a God of miracles. Blessings and lots of love
I. M.
Sat, 21-07-12 01:36
Pffhoe... where to start... what to say.... I couldn't click away from this site without commenting on your story! First off: what strength you guys pass on! Extraordinary! Beautiful! I googled 'testimony on birth announcement' and came across your site! I read some of your blogs and couldn't keep dry! While reading your story I immediately thought: your sorrow becomes a song -> God makes free! I wish you a lot of strength, blessing and support. We are praying for you tonight.
Kees and Karin
friday, 20-07-12 23:12
Dear Marieke and Nathanael,
We cannot find words to this news. Every sentence we think of feels too empty. We connect with you in prayer and choose to trust in the Name of the Lord. This text encouraged us today and we are happy to pass it on to you: "Those who trust in the LORD are like Mount Zion, which stands unshakably firm for ever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the LORD surrounds his people from now until eternity" (Psalm 125:1,2).
Martine Voogd from Amersfoort
friday, 20-07-12 22:27
we believe and continue to stand with you in the breach for life!!! we believe pray and fast for this miracle!!!
Marjon Ooms from Schoonhoven
friday, 20-07-12 16:44
What great people you are. To confess that the Father is good and wants to give you a hopeful future. I pray for you too.
Love, Marjon
Alinde knepper from Elburg
friday, 20-07-12 16:33
..What great faith you have in God!!! It's great when you can testify to that! However heavy this storm must be for you, know that you are safe in His Father's hand!
"The Lord bless you/your
and He protects you, He shines His Light over your life,
He will be merciful, and be very close to you.
He will give His peace to you!!!"
This is what I want to pray/sing to you
Love Alinde
harmen Otto
friday, 20-07-12 15:18
:''( how terrible to receive such a blow. I pray you God's nearness, strength, blessing and protection. Harmen Otto
Paula Brewer
friday, 20-07-12 15:06
I am moved by your story and it touches me deeply!
I was reading Psalm 139 just last night
Love you guys!
Karline from Ede
friday, 20-07-12 14:47
How extraordinary how you continue to trust God so much, even in yet another such situation. Bizarre.
I am praying for you and for Ukkie.
Love, Karline
Carla and Hedwi van Osnabrugge from amersfoort
friday, 20-07-12 13:21
Dear Marieke and Nathanael,
What grace God has poured out on you, otherwise you would not be able to say this. We pray that you will remain inundated with Love and Grace, Father You are King over the flood, I will be still and know that You are God....
Hugs from us,Hedwi and Carla
Bart & Elvera Brouwer from Huizen
friday, 20-07-12 13:07
Hugely special to read and hear your rock-solid faith in God! In thoughts and prayers we are with you.
Love, Bart & Elvera
Tineke Voorthuis from Amersfoort
friday, 20-07-12 13:02
Your rock-solid faith and determination to keep believing in God's goodness and faithfulness touches me deeply! what a grace to know that God, and to know that His Hand and Heart encompasses you and your families in this great sorrow.....
Myriam Elias-Klomp
friday, 20-07-12 12:39
Dear ones, how proud I am of you! Know that you are not alone, we are going through this together, together with God, family,friends and the church! Love you!!!!
Corriejanne Michon from Aoort
friday, 20-07-12 12:39
Dear Nathanael and Marieke,
Respect to you! You know I was sick of it all day yesterday but since last night I have constantly had the song in me "His faithfulness colours the morning" even today I keep running around singing or whistling that.
And however it will go, His faithfulness colours the morning every day. He knows better than any of us.
I therefore pray you His nearness, comfort, courage and wisdom.
Lots of love and strength.
Pia and Johan
friday, 20-07-12 12:33
What confidence of faith!
We sympathise with you!
lfs Johan and Pia
Hester van Kooten from Amersfoort
friday, 20-07-12 12:09
How beautiful....! You really are a very special couple. A huge testimony. We think of you a lot and continue to pray for you. Unfathomable how difficult and emotional this must be for you guys. God bless and nearness in all things.
Debby van Houten
friday, 20-07-12 12:05
What courage, determination and bravery radiates from this message. But I can so well imagine you saying to Mariek, "I don't know if I can handle this again, but we refuse to sacrifice the revelation that God is always good on the altar of human reasoning because I need to know why my prayer has not been answered". Partly thanks to you, my faith that God is always faithful has grown tremendously last year, I pray that ukkie will be part of the revival that will take place, and continue to pray confidently, my eyes together with you fixed on the God for whom nothing is impossible.
Jet
friday, 20-07-12 11:57
What a fantastic and golden heart you have! I have indescribable admiration for your tenacity in love and trust. You are beautiful!
Last night I 'came across' this bit in the Bible: 2 Cor 1:3-11
We are praying for you! X
Arianne
friday, 20-07-12 11:56
Wow, what incredibly sweet brave people you are! I hope you feel carried day by day by the Most High, and we pray for you!