Uncertainty

On Monday I went to Nijmegen for the MRI and yesterday we got the results and were to discuss the further procedure. 

The MRI showed the same image as we had already seen on the ultrasounds. This is more positive than David's open diaphragm. It looks like there is a diaphragm bulge which (for now only) has pushed the liver up a bit. The disposition of the lungs also seems good. It was also found that the kidneys and ureters are too large. We will discuss what this is due to and what needs to be done about it with the paediatric neurologist in three weeks' time.

Earlier, it looked like there was just the right amount of amniotic fluid, but now the doctor noted that there was considerably too much. This was the same with David then, but now it was on the edge of what was just 'allowed'. I had already noticed it myself. My belly is already quite tight and the hard bellows come very regularly. But, with David I also had this and that pregnancy otherwise went fine 🙂

We hoped to get some more clarity and certainty yesterday about what to expect this time, but unfortunately it became clear to us again yesterday that nothing is certain at all before birth. Too much uncertainty about what exactly is going on with the diaphragm and what the consequences might be, and where, for example, the excess amniotic fluid is coming from and why the kidneys, etc. are too big. This is also why doctors are reluctant to give (positive) information. We/they can only see how ukkie's body reacts to life when he is born.

This does not make it any easier. The uncertainty exhausts me considerably. They can't say whether our second male has much chance of surviving, or whether it will all be okay.

The further procedure is to 'wait and see' and keep an eye on things. We will have another ultrasound in 3 weeks, a meeting with the gynaecologist and a meeting with the paediatric neurologist. Each time, we will see which step to take based on the progress.


When we walked out of the hospital yesterday, I was quite confused and sad. Why don't we know more? Why can't they give us certainty? How will things work out? Will our second miracle stay alive?

Later, when we were eating dinner, I realised that I wanted to stick too much to the medical facts. In itself logical, since we are so in the medical business. At the same time, maybe it's just better not to hear percentages or 'odds' because we don't want to put our faith in those.
Now we are open to it and want to put our trust in God for 100%. He knows how everything will turn out and He has it in His hand. We cannot and will not but surrender everything to Him, otherwise we simply would not be able to handle it.

We cling to the God of Life. God made life and did not mean for there to be sickness. We believe He has our best interests at heart and we may rest in that and look forward to our little big miracle. 

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Messages 1 up to and including 17 out of a total of 17
 

Sofia Rodenburgh from the hague

Thursday, 23-08-12 22:00

Dear Marieke and Nathanael,

We are amazed with every message and see how God is carrying you through this; how you keep God's truth in your hearts time and again and cling to His love.

love
sophia and johan

 

Arno and Eunice

Thursday, 23-08-12 09:31

As I read this, opw. 733 through the house and that is immediately our prayer for you: I can hear you saying this text the same way ;-)

The sun rises, wakes up the morning;
the day begins with a song to You.
Lord whatever happens,
Whatever may happen to Nathanaël&Marieke, let them still sing as night falls!

Praise the Lord O my soul,
O my soul, praise His Holy Name now.
With more passion than ever;
O my soul, glorify His Holy Name.

NOTES.
I know you can sing this. That's why you are Heroes, staying upright! It's crooked: you are an example to us of how to fight along. It should be the other way round, shouldn't it? ;-) You guys don't give up, so we certainly don't! You guys are a great example of how we should keep going for LIFE, which will always stay with us. We mark you, bring you to His Almighty throne! Love!


 

Tiny Heek from Bunschoten

Monday, 20-08-12 22:43

After reading the last few blogs, a heavy feeling in my stomach. Words are shooting. So bizarre, unfair, painful, heavy, unbearable, emotional. If only I could do 'something' for you. In prayer we dedicate julilie. Kind regards, Tiny

 

Jens and Iris Zwitser from Garderen

Monday, 20-08-12 20:10

Dear cousins, we too are always praying for the situation and for your little one. Much admiration for your enormous testimony in this uncertain situation! But idd, without the Lord Jesus you would be nowhere, He has life in His hand, what a rest that gives. Strength in the coming time, hope you can enjoy this new life despite not knowing how it will go. Love, Jens and Iris

 

Benjamin

Sunday, 19-08-12 18:37

Hey toppers! Continuing to pray for you and ukkie. Love, Ben!

 

Tonja Danker from zeewolde

friday, 17-08-12 14:49

Dear Marieke and Nathanael, what an admiration for your trust in God in this uncertain time! We are praying for you!

 

Petra van Harten

friday, 17-08-12 14:30

how annoying that you remain in uncertainty - how beautiful to read how you continue to trust God even in uncertainty! strength.

 

Marius from Tienhoven

friday, 17-08-12 13:30

I too am thinking of you in my prayers! Fortunately, we know that with God much more is possible than we pray for or realise! (eph 3:20) see you soon

 

Marijke from Leusden

friday, 17-08-12 13:12

Darlings, what a lot of emotions again......humanly speaking, you just don't know much yet......or you do.....but as you yourself point out....don't look at the circumstances but look to God....in prayer and thoughts I am with juliie......liefs Marijke.

 

klaudia

friday, 17-08-12 13:05

spicy times. I feel sorry for you all. The medical machinery is no fun to be in. However, it is good to be in God's hand and rest there and expect it from Him. lots of strength and hugs. x x x Klaudia

 

Lianne from Leusden

friday, 17-08-12 12:35

It's hard to know that you can't really do anything with all the information you have received from the tests. That it doesn't solve the uncertainty.... You can be quite confused and sad about that. Especially because you know that God is happily with you and that He cares for you and your little baby and even more so that He has everything in His Hand!

 

Dick Van Boven

friday, 17-08-12 11:51

What excitement and uncertainty! Yes, it is good to trust in God, no matter how easy it sounds sometimes! Lots of strength, you know!

 

Ernst

friday, 17-08-12 11:20

Brave dodos you guys are.... Respect, though I also know you don't have it all your own. Big hug!

 

H&M Wolff from Amersfoort

friday, 17-08-12 11:04

pff, idd what an uncertainty & how strong you remain.

We keep our eyes on Jesus!

Fat HUG

 

Nanja Strumpel

friday, 17-08-12 10:18

Darlings, love you guys. Big hug.

 

Esther van Vliet from Ede

friday, 17-08-12 10:07

Boy... deep sigh!

We are thinking of you and praying for you....
God let the Sun shine through the rain please

 

Myriam Elias-Klomp

friday, 17-08-12 09:57

Hi dear treasures, crying I read your blog this time! So logical that you felt this way in the hospital! But, whatever you say, also so necessary to keep saying then; on MY GOD I trust with everything in me! HiJ is life and HE is good! Dear treasures, we love you super much! If sometimes you can't see for yourselves, there are people around you who will lift your gaze! We want to be there for you! Big kiss

 
 
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